UD WIP - Safer In Wool
Bringing fruit from the blooming
Of dark, hopeful lips;
From a pause,
To a purse,
To a soft airy phrase;
Pushed past rose
In the simplest prose,
A tender disclose
Belying its hue.
Couched in a quirk;
A brief dimpled twitch:
A question,
An answer,
A sweet imposition,
A challenge to leave
Or stay and believe
Lupine intentions
Are safer in wool.
(A raven-like veil
Drawn in a blink
Lifted
Returned)
(Feline intemp'rance
And eight lives to go
Safety forsaken
In order to know)
I liked the idea of the original last two lines of the first stanza, but I just couldn't make the language work with the rhythm. I'm still not sure I'm sold on the new last line, but it's growing on me.
One of the biggest problems I have coming back to a poem and trying to add to it, as opposed to simply editing what's already there, is attempting to rediscover the patterns and schemes of the original pieces so that the new pieces match. Today, on this one, I'm failing completely.